Headlights swept the beach. Neck deep in the water, Little Diogenes glimpsed an array of shriveled penises, glittering in the highbeams. Dinks, she thought, those are nothing but little dinks.
The lights were from a van, pulled right up to the beach. The fraternity collectively scrambled for their shorts, swearing and tumbling onto the sand.
Crystal thrashed up to her. "Ohmigawd, that's Zay's van." Not cops, at least. A silhouette hopped out, and the brothers began to collectively plead- 'hey man, kill the light', 'hey pervert', 'what the fuck?'
Zay called above the protest. "Hey Crys! Hey Crystal! Hey Little Diogenes!"
There was no point in hiding. Not only could he obviously see them, the headlights made the water completely clear- Little Diogenes could see swarms of minnows all around them, and the chinese dragon on Crystal's butt. She waved.
Zay reached into the van and flicked off the blue halogens. He strode towards the water. Crystal panicked and churned off, trying to keep out of sight. Little Diogenes stood her ground, her eyes readjusting to the dark.
Zay dropped his pants and strode into the water, parting the fraternity brothers like he was Clint Eastwood. He walked unsteadily, bringing his legs up high, not even attempting to swim.
"Hey Little Diogenes. Derrick told me to come find you."
"Neither one of you is my boss, so why don't you go away?" She was careful to sound weak, trying to draw him in.
Zay jumped as little wave slapped his crotch, soaking his boxers and revealing an outline. He took a few tentative steps towards her, but she stayed in the deep water.
"Damn it's cold." He grimaced, but kept staring at her.
"I'm warm." she said, drifting inshore a little.
Zay peered at her, straining to see through the dark water.
Behind him, on the beach, Crystal struggled into her clothes.
Zay inched towards her, taking baby steps as the bottom fell away and he sank deeper. I will make him suffer for me, thought Little Diogenes. He probably can't swim, either.
"Why don't you come out here," she sighed, "it's nice."
Zay kept inching forward, trying to smile. A car alarm sounded.
"Crys! Don't touch my van!" Zay didn't bother to turn around, but Little Diogenes saw her friend jump away and run down the beach. The door of the van stood open, the upper half of Tupac's face airbrushed onto it. Crystal made for Zay's abandoned pants, and rummaged out his keys.
"I didn't," said Little Diogenes, "know that you had a van."
Zay stood right in front of her, head and neck above the water. He was very beautiful in the beach light.
"Had it customized last week." he tipped his ear to the water, cool regained.
"I'm sure it's very beautiful." she said, sadly, as the alarm died.
"A masterpiece. I got spinners and crazy shit. I went all out."
"You drive your auntie to the packie in it?"
"I didn't mean to say shit about your family. I'm sorry."
"Come here," Zay put his soft hand on her shoulder, boiling the water around them.
"Zay, I thought that you wanted to kiss me because you like me," Little Diogenes kicked off the sandbar, out into the bay and beyond his reach.
"But you don't; you've just got a sickness for kissing naked girls."